The Trouble With a Kiwi Accent

If there is one thing that you learn when you leave the country you grew up in is just how different everyone speaks. I’m not just talking about different languages. I’m talking about accents, slang, jargon etc. The English language is so varied all over the world, so many different words, spellings and pronunciations.

I’m a Kiwi, a New Zealander. I’m also English. The way I speak the words I use are influenced by both of these things; growing up in New Zealand and an English Dad. I didn’t realise just how ‘weird’ New Zealand English is until I was interacting with American’s and Brits. I would say things, like I usually would at home, and just get a blank stare in response as though I was speaking Ancient Greek or something. Not only did I very quickly learn that there are words that like no-one else seem to use, but also apparently us Kiwis don’t pronounce things right, and this more than anything, can get you into a touch of confused trouble.

My fellow Kiwi’s will most likely giggle over this as much as I did when I first heard it, the New Zealand accent has been voted as the ‘Sexiest accent’ in the world, because it’s so charming and such. I don’t get it, but almost everyone I have met has said, “I love the New Zealand accent! It’s so cool!” People are obsessed with it. I don’t get it. I hear what we sound like, and I don’t get it…

I work in a restaurant here in England, and I can guarantee that half of the tables I serve are going to ask, “Where are you from?”

This is when I begin to play a game and respond with, “Guess!”

I can pretty much guess that most people are going to reply with “Australia!” With full confidence, totally sure that they are correct.

At which point, I dramatically gasp, clutch my heart and say, “How could you!”

They proceed to panic for a moment before saying, “New Zealand! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!”

This interaction is one of my favourite things to do. I will admit that New Zealand and Australian accents can be similar, but they are different! If you’re not sure get them to say ‘six and seven’, Australian’s will pronounce ‘sex’ instead of six and Kiwis will pronounce ‘siven’ instead of seven. There are other ways, but that is the basic one. I don’t only get people declaring that I must be from Australia but also; America, Canada - not upset by this option, South Africa - I still don’t get this one the South African accent is so pronounced and unique. I also get asked if I’m Irish or Scottish, but this may just be because of the red hair, blue eyes and pale ‘porcelain’ skin tone…

Though once someone has found out that you are from New Zealand, their eyes light up, and they exclaim one of the following; “I’ve always wanted to go there!” “My son/daughter/friend/sibling lives there!” “I went there (insert amount of time here) ago, and loved it!”

Which is quickly followed by, “Why on earth are you in England and not there?” And then comes a discussion where I ask where they have been, or where their loved one lives and we have a thorough conversation about Kiwi-land. Everyone loved to talk about New Zealand and to be honest I have yet to meet a fellow kiwi who doesn’t, somewhat, like to boast about or show off about being from New Zealand. If anyone brings up rugby though my response tends to be; *Groan* “I don’t like rugby, it’s why they kicked me out!”

But we are here to discuss the troubles of having a New Zealand accent, not how obsessed the world seems to be with New Zealand.

One of the main things that seem to cause us issues, while overseas, is how we pronounce words and sounds. This can get a little exhausting. To us, the way we are saying it is the same way that everyone else is saying it, but they can’t hear it. ‘I’s’ and ‘E’s’ seem to be the most prominent issue. The amount of energy I put in to try not to say the word ‘deck’ to people is crazy. Why? Because everyone else hears ‘dick’. I was training a 16-year-old dude on how to clean the bar once, here in England, trying to describe how to clean the floor in every way I could think of without using the term ‘deck scrubbing’.

“So you have to use the broom to, like, scrub the floor… like this.” Demonstrates.

Dude’s still confused.

“… You have to deck scrub it, okay!”

16-year-old male smirking slightly. “What?”

“Deck scrub it… You’re hearing dick, aren’t you?”

I’ll tell you what though, my knowledge of words that are synonyms of ‘deck’ is pretty good at this point…

I have also asked someone if I could borrow a pen and they thought I asked them for a ‘pin’. I was just like, “No! The thing you write with! A pen, not a pin!” They handed me a pen and informed me that pen and pin sound precisely the same when I say them.

Before I say anything to anyone now, I go over every word in my head. Then try to over pronounce any that I think are going to cause me any issues.

What about slang? The words that we use every single day in New Zealand that no-one else in the world, except maybe Australia, uses. Here are some examples;

“I’m just going to pop to the diary to get some milk and an ice cream. You want anything?”

“To the where?”

“The diary… oh… convenience store, corner shop…”

“Don’t forget to bring your togs!”

“What?”

“Togs like the things you go swimming in.”

“You mean swimwear/Swimming costume?”

“Togs is so much easier to say…”

“Hey! I like your jandals!”

“Excuse me?”

“Your jandals!”

*blank stare*

“Oh! Flip flops, thongs… Flip flops make a lot of sense because they go ‘flip flop’ as you walk…”

“Don’t worry I’ve got the Chilly Bin all ready to go!”

“Do you mean the Cooler/Eski?”

“Yeah, the Chilly bin.”

“We’re just going to go on a tiki tour. It’s going to be great.”

“On what?”

“A tiki tour… like a little drive around seeing the sights and stuff…”

“Oh! And bring a plate!”

“What? Don’t you have enough plates for everyone?”

“No! I mean bring a plate of food, like a pot-luck. Not just an empty plate! Haha!”

Don’t get me started on trying to talk to someone on the phone! It’s just hard work. These days I put on my ‘English’ accent to just make life easier. Those automated answer machines that you get when calling a big company, the ones that are there to try and get you to the right person to help you. Where they ask you a ‘Yes or No’ question. Yeah. That’s just a pain… I always just end up getting put through to reception or the likes because the machine can’t tell if I’m saying yes or no.

The biggest issue I have on the phone is getting people to understand my name! My name! As a manager in a restaurant, I have spent a lot of time taking bookings or talking to companies about stock or repairs etc. They never seem to get my name. If you don’t know, my name is Sarah. One of the most common names in the world. But apparently with my accent on the phone, it doesn’t sound like Sarah. Sierra, Feira, Rah, Shera, Jane… Yeah, I’ve been called Jane by a customer on the phone before.

Another thing that I have noticed since moving overseas is that New Zealanders, we speak fast. So our accent plus the fast pace in which we naturally speak just gains us some perplexed looks. I always have to make a conscious effect to speak slowly and clearly, which to be fair, should be something EVERYONE should do no matter where you come from. Just because you are speaking English doesn’t mean that the people around you can understand what you are saying, speak slower and annunciate your sounds and words.

I do have to say that everything above goes with anyone from anywhere, no matter your accent. The amount of times people, over here in the UK, have said things to me and I just stare at them blankly while my brain tries to put words to the sounds that just came out their mouths, is insane. One time, when I was working in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne, someone came up to the bar to ask me for a drink. The only thing I understood was, “Hi, can I have…” I asked him to repeat it like five times, no jokes, before I called someone else over to translate. Ironically it was ‘Old Mout Cider’ which is originally from New Zealand.

A couple of notes to everyone out there; If someone asks you to repeat what you just said, you need to change the way you are saying don’t just say it back the same way you said it the first time around. And if they have to ask you to repeat yourself more than twice, it’s on you not them. It doesn’t matter if they are a native English speaker or an English as a Second Language speaker, just be conscious. Also raising your voice doesn’t help, just speak clearly and try to ‘dumb-down’ (for lack of a better word) your accent a little.

There are many other situations that I and others come across when we all leave our native country. My advice, don’t be offended. Have a bit of fun with it. Quietly educate those you come across in your travels, and yourself.

There are so many excellent accents and languages out there. My favourite part of travelling is meeting the people who have them and learning from them.

Just don’t assume we’re all Ozzy’s, okay?